Drops of Happy

Chaston and I met very briefly on Friday, May 16^th, 2014. My best friend Amber and I were walking across campus back to the dorms, after going to get some lunch across BYUI campus when I noticed this cute kid behind us. We were talking really loudly about something inappropriate when I shushed Amber because I didn’t want the “pretty boy” walking behind us to hear whatever we had been talking about. Right after sed boy yelled “hey.. cool pants”, I turned around and said “thank you”, and then he awkwardly walked into the library. I learned on our 3^rd date from his roommate, Brandon, that he had completely detoured out of his way to get close enough to say something to me, making Brandon wait forever to pick him up, and had chickened out after feeling awkward about his choice of introduction and aborted into the closest building. I dubbed the kid who said “cool pants” pretty boy and joked to Amber that maybe he would be part of the group date I had been asked on for that night.

(these are the cool pants)

Two days later Chas saw me walking out of the huge tri- stake conference BYUI had held and ran away from the ex- girlfriend he was chatting with to position himself nonchalantly where I was bound to exit the building. Walking next to me he said “Your’re cool pants girl!” He introduced himself, assured me that he usually doesn’t get a girls number without talking to them (Sure….), asked for my number, and probably ran back over to his friend he had just ditched.

We went on our first date that night. I tried to cancel, but luckily Chas called me and said “I have been looking forward to seeing you all day! Our date can be really short, or really late if you get back late, but I promise if you go out with me you won’t regret it”.. His insistence was intriguing and he was really cute, so I agreed. We did end up going out fairly late, I had an ex-boyfriend who really wanted to talk to me that night, but Chas was right, I don’t regret going out with him. Chas picked me up at the dorms (real classy), he said something about liking that I lived in the dorms but it came out all wrong… I think he meant something about me not being too stuck up to live there. We went over to this elementary school with a playground, where we took lots of blankets, two spoons, and two tubs of ice cream to get to know each other. We were freezing really fast and ended up in his warm car eating ice cream instead. At one point I spilled ice cream down his sweatshirt I was wearing (starting a long tradition of me not doing well eating in his car), and he made fun of me so I put ice cream on his face. He thought I was really funny, or confidant or something, but I was really just feeing awkward and slightly intimidated and the ice cream was my gut reaction. I felt awkward after doing it (that “oh well that was really socially” weird of me…. Crap… feeling). I must have not come across totally weird because he asked me out for the next week.

We went and got breakfast burritos and took them to the park to eat, after he brought out his potato gun and we went out to a field and launched some spuds. We talked about his sister, who was living at JCC in St. Anthony, who happened to be my age (he had sworn off dating 18 year olds right before dating me, but I was 18 so..). On our last shot, he burned his hand on the steam out the back of the gun, he played it off like it didn’t hurt, but it obviously hurt pretty bad.

Our next date was a group date with his roommates; Joseph (my HS boyfriend, Aaron’s, Cousin), Brandon, and Jared. This is where I learned he hadn’t so casually been walking behind me when we met. We went to the civil defense caves to go caving and painted on the walls with glow sticks. He wrote Emily hearts Chaston all over the cave wall. After we went to the Idaho Falls river by the temple to eat pizza and everyone went with their date and walked around the grounds. This is the date where we really got comfortable around each other. This is also the date I actually learned his last name. I had texted him to ask him after our first date and he told me it was Chaston Stallionman. I believed him, because even if your name sounds weird what person you just met is going to tell you your name sounds too ridiculous to be real. I saw his missionary name tag and he made fun of me endlessly for believing his last name was Stallionman. His name is still “Stallionman” in my phone, although I’m glad my name is now Emily Ellis not Emily Stallionman.

The next week we went out and climbed potato cellars, and flew kites in a random farmer’s field and played with chalk on the side of the road. He tried to kiss me, but I told him no because he had told me he had stopped liking girls after kissing them in the past (who tells their prospective kissing partner that?).. but I kissed him soon after and he still likes me. He was so awesome at planning dates. After we got shakes at Sammy’s and went to a park to… talk.

He took me up to his parents’ house the next week in Blackfoot. We loved visiting his dad and Step-mom while we were dating because it was when we go to have real alone time (there is no alone time in Rexburg). We would hang out with his parents, and then stay up late watching movies and talking in the basement. He asked me to be his girlfriend the first week we went up to Blackfoot. I kind of laughed because I had never had someone ask me to be their girlfriend, I thought it was just assumed. But I was happy to say yes.

Chaston’s blog from when he asked me to be his girlfriend to him meeting my family:

“Well, here it is... the untainted version- Emily
Well, so much to catch up on. It’s been a month and a half since the last time I wrote on here. I promised at the end of my last post that I’d explain why I like this girl so much. Surprisingly, that girl is still a part of my life (meaning I haven’t just stopped talking to her or taken out tons of other girls since then) In fact, she’s my girlfriend!!! Yeah, I know how crazy that is for me, so let’s tell the story. As of now, I’m pretty sure she’s been down to Blackfoot with me like 5 weekends in a row… The first weekend down there I asked her to be my girlfriend… yeah… I was feeling really good about it because I’d realized that I no longer was interested in any other girls. Within a few days afterwards, I was already feeling cage-y though. I’d see pretty girls and I’d feel restricted because I couldn’t talk to them. Other girls who I’d shown interest in all of the sudden knew I had a girl I was really interested in and they started to show a lot more interest in me. All of the sudden, I was regretting having a girlfriend (one that I had chosen out of my own free will) for the first time.

Emily sensed this, and she asked me what was going on, and I told her that I was having doubts and was unsure… she told me that she didn’t want to have to wonder whether or not her boyfriend liked her and without actually saying anything, she was basically giving me an ultimatum… which was understandable. I was so confused, because as cage-y as I felt, I really didn’t want to lose her. I had a connection with her that I hadn’t felt in maybe ever. as I was stressing out with her in the passenger seat of my car, I had a feeling to pray about it. So I did, and I felt this peace come over me and I knew that I could tell her I wanted to keep dating, so I did… and she was even more confused and likely a little miffed by the flip of a switch feelings change.

That night, I told Brandon about my confusion and he told me that he was sure that I really did like her and that likely my problem was just that I’d been so successful with girls that I didn’t want to lose that; that it had maybe become a thrill for me to meet and take out new girls… I realized that he was right. I started to think about the possible things that a new girl could offer me over Emily, and I realized it… Emily had everything I wanted. I suddenly felt so calm and sure of dating Emily.

The weeks that followed we went to:

Bear Lake (milkshakes,sandcastles,Juanito Bandito,testimonies,beach,mafia)

Beau’s wedding (chilling at my Dad’s, Rupe’s, meet mom, games, Blakely’s birthday with Jared, Frisbee, Filipino lunch)

4th of July (Buffalo Wild Wings, 4th of July breakfast and kayaking, Warm Bodies, fireworks, Count of Monte Cristo)

then her family (Twin Falls, boat, FIFA, more boat and crazy rides, Emily throws me into the water, snot in her nose but not really, clue, talking late, mafia, pizza, swimming, shopping, mafia in hot tub, planet of the apes, Les Miserables, Blokus with her parents)

I really wanted to name the major things that happened on each of those weekends so that when I reread this post in the future I’ll remember it.

There’s something else I need to mention that’s really important. The week prior to meeting her family, I was realizing that I hadn’t completely gotten over the cage-y feeling yet… I was more comfortable dating her than the first time, but I still hadn’t completely locked off my heart to just her. This actually really worried me, but I didn’t want to say anything right before we left for a weekend with her family. So I decided I’d reconsider it after the weekend. I should preface this next section by saying that i didn’t expect anything tremendous to happen over the weekend and the thought that something could change really didn’t even cross my mind.. While I was there, lots of little things happened that culminated into me having such a good weekend. The most important thing was how I realized how much she puts me first. She was always concerned with whether or not I had eaten, she asked me if I wanted to go buy a swimming suit long after that we had established I needed one, and she did what she could to accommodate me. I felt a change of heart and realized I liked this girl so much… for some reason, while we were watching Planet of the Apes is when those feelings cemented. I came home from that weekend so happy to have her as my girlfriend. She is such an incredible girl with an amazing heart. At this point, I can see myself marrying her, I give myself like maybe a little over a 50% chance of that, which is really good considering my experience with dating and it only having been 2 months.

I wanted to list the qualities and things about her that illustrate why I have such strong feelings for her, I feel that this would be fun to see as I read this again in the future when she could possibly be much more than just my girlfriend.

-She’s patient: when I’m forgetful, or obnoxious, or do something that would normally irritate somebody else.. she is so mellow and understanding. It’s exactly what I need in a wife

-She’s loving: she shows her affection freely and without remorse or hesitancy, whether it’s kissing, holding my hand, putting her head on my shoulder, cradling my arm. I always feel secure and cared about when I’m with her.

-she’s happy: even on days that weren’t her best she smiles and can see the positive things in the day, and it’s infectious. It’s part of the reason why I enjoy my time with her and I’m happy with her.

-She’s comfortable: I can talk about anything with her without feeling like it might negatively affect our relationship, she’s open and I can be myself completely. conversations, actions, events, life really… flows easily with her.

-she’s feminine: this one is hard to explain, maybe it’s her softness or gentleness… maybe it’s the way she talks or what she talks about, maybe it’s because she doesn’t speak badly about anyone and she’s sweet, I think it’s just who she is, she is the most feminine girl I can think of.

-she makes me want to be better: whenever a lustful thought comes to mind, the thought of her reminds me helps me fight it, because I respect her so much and I would never want a deterioration of my virtue to affect my feelings for her. I feel the desire to lift others up instead of tear them down when I’m with her. I want to be better when I’m with her.

-She’s profound: we have great conversations about such a wide variety of topics, her perspective and thoughts are so interesting and they show off her intelligence and wisdom.

-She’s level-headed: she doesn’t make decisions based off of strong emotions, but instead she’s wise and calm and sweet.

-She’s fun!: whether it’s throwing me into the lake, putting ice cream or chalk on me, or letting me tease her, or putting up with my perverted jokes and laughing, she is great to be around

-She makes me happy: She gives me a revitalization for life, she makes me want to do things and rekindle friendships and have fun. She makes me feel good about myself and can make even dull days be great ones

-She’s gorgeous: everything… her bright blue and sometimes green eyes, sometimes she’ll open her eyes after kissing and they are bright and big and they make me freeze and and my heart thump. She has these beautiful locks of blonde hair that even when they get messy look absolutely wonderful. She has these soft cheeks with a feminine cheek bone I love to caress. She has these big soft lips that are unrivaled by any other girl I’ve kissed. She’s a great height (especially for my posterity) taller than many, but not too tall. She’s small and petite, she has such soft skin and a tones body. Shes somehow really tan too, and the other things that most guys immediately notice… those are great too. The thought went through my mind just today that she is the most beautiful girl I know.. truly, she is.

-She has a strong testimony and his firmly converted to the gospel: we have deep conversations about the gospel and it’s a topic that we can speak about freely. She has great self-control and her priorities are in check. She attends the temple regularly and is actively trying to become a better person.

The best part about all of this is that as time passes, these qualities becomes confirmed on a deeper level and new qualities keep coming up. I’m so grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing me to find a girl like her.”

There’s probably a lot more between there and here but over the seven week break from school we made plans for Chas to come visit my family in Vegas. He had met them and the whole rest of my Dickson extended family in McCall when he came with me to Aunt Andy’s cabin, but he hadn’t spent too much time one on one with them. We skyped for a couple of weeks and he came down two or three weeks before the end of the break. I asked him recently what was the best week of his life he can think of and he said this week, it really was so much fun. I showed him around Vegas, and we swam a ton, and stayed up late every night, and did fun things with my family; it was perfect. He was trying to make a good impression on my parents, and so was very insistent that he clean our windows for them while he was there. One night he told me “I think I love you”, I already knew I loved him and was thrilled to hear it. I was actually sick with pneumonia (which Chas was kind of oblivious to, master of observation that he is), but that really didn’t dampen the week too much. His last night there we stayed up really late and I remember him looking up how to not cough with pneumonia and was coaching me, I think he was thoroughly annoyed with the sound of me coughing by then.

A couple of days after he left I was praying really hard about whether I should be dating Chas, and I had a really strong spiritual impression that I should break with him. It really sucked, I broke up with him over the phone, and I was totally pathetic the rest of the week. I was really confused, if I’m not supposed to be with him why does this suck so bad? He was okay the first day and called me the next explaining that he really wanted to be with me. In talking about it now he talks about how he was really sad, and came to the realization that it was okay, and he would find someone else, but that he didn’t want to and he wanted to be with me. H went on a date over the rest of break (which I’m still bitter about). We still talked a little over the rest of break.

My mom drove up to school with me to help move me in, just for fun. On the way up to school we stopped to see my grandparents, grandma D after hearing that we broke up said “I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Mr. Ellis”. Hearing about that later Chas loved it, and the time I was just a little put out. He came over and helped us carry in my stuff to my apartment and get my books and things. We kept seeing each other pretty frequently over the next few weeks. He was persistent, and so sweet and patient with me. I felt like it was really important that I knew for sure what I was doing if I chose to be with Chas again, since I was sure of my first spiritual impression to break up with him. It felt weighty because part of me felt sure that I wasn’t just making a decision to date him, if I dated him again, I felt that I would marry him. I thought about my future kids a lot, our potential future kids, and the kind of Dad I wanted them to have, I remember my cousin Kate telling me that that was how she knew she could marry her husband, and talking about how important that is. This consumed a lot of my thinking. I prayed a lot. And one day at work in the Graduation Department in the Kimball I had a thought that stuck with me; It felt clear to me that my feelings were an answer in themselves, I thought about Heavenly Father and how much he loves Chaston, and how much he loves me and I felt like it was all okay. I let him kiss me soon after, and told him what I had been thinking. I still don’t know why I had the first impression I did, but I firmly believe that it happened for a reason. My father in law felt like this needed to happen in order for us to progress in our relationship. Chas needed to have a reason to think about our relationship, I know our relationship was better after than it was before, and will be forever grateful for both spiritual impressions I received.

We dated for another three months, and then one day really suddenly (it seemed to me) he said “Let’s talk about marriage!” I was really surprised by this. Chas was always cautious with the idea of marriage. His dad says it’s because he scared him with all of his post- divorce marriage advice. He hinted to me that if he was going to ask my dad, it was going to be over Thanksgiving break when we came to see my family. I was SO excited. I remember calling my parents and warning them a couple weeks before we came home that Chas would be asking him. While we were at my Aunt Susanne’s with lots of cousins and extended family I was upstairs getting ready and told my little girl cousins, “do you guys want to know a secret? Chas is going to ask my dad to marry me this weekend..”. At Susanne’s I was looking at my cousin Natalie’s wedding ring and accidentally said that I had been looking at rose gold engagement rings. My mom and Chaston were both rolling at my mortification. At home over the weekend my dad went into the garage to work on his bike. I hinted to Chas, “Dad’s in the garage… by himself”. His eyes got big and he said okay and that he needed a minute. When he came inside he told me my Dad had said "she's not grown up yet, so you have to take care of her". Later that day my mom got us together and started planning- “if we are going to do a wedding, this might be the only time I have you both here before then”.

My blog December 9^th: “When my grandpa puts his arms around both of us and says "take care of each other", I see him saying that same line forever. I read my patriarchal blessing and where it talks about that "good man", I feel assured that he is exactly that. I know he is someone that will fight along with me for our family, and for us. My blessing uses the word "tenderly" in describing how he will care for me and our children, and he becomes more of that man, more every day. He is silly, and real, and smart, and positive, and strong, and expressive, and he knows what he wants. And I know he is exactly what I want. I can't imagine anything more fun than going to the gym with him every day and then coming home and making dinner. I have never felt more loved in my whole life. When I see him, he immediately lights up and hugs me like he's been waiting to see me all day, and I secretly hope he has. He just exudes that he loves me in a way I couldn't imagine anyone ever doing. Not because I feel unlovable, but because I'm pretty sure no one in the entire word lights up the way he does when he is happy. The other day he told me he likes to think about me being his "companion in everything" and that title has stuck in my head ever since. I want him to be my companion in EVERYTHING! I have chosen to be with him every single step of the way, and Heavenly Father has helped me do that in ways I would never have seen coming. I have a little sticky note written in my notebook that says "how much you want to be with him is an answer in itself 9/30", and every time I'm with him I feel like I find something else that makes him feel more mine. I know being with someone forever will not be easy, because life is not easy, but there is no one else in the world I want to do life sitting next to.”

Chas proposed on December 17^th 2014 at the park that we went to eat ice cream at on our first date. He told me we were going out to eat, part of me secretly hoped, but it was a total surprise because we had ordered my ring on my etsy account (even though I shouldn’t have looked), and I knew it wouldn’t be there until after Christmas break. He had his sister take pictures and his roommate Jared set up posters that our family and friends had made for me, and candles spelling out “Marry me?”. He gave me a big huge plastic Walmart ring for until we came back from break and my ring was delivered. It was perfect, I was able to go home for a couple of weeks and plan a wedding with my mom before Chas and I were both back in school. My girlfriends held a little bachelorette party while Liv was in Vegas with us for winter break. They took me out to Zabbas to eat, and bought me copious amounts of Victoria Secret.

Our engagement was four months, we got married April 11^th 2015. I felt like it was way too long. I told him the whole time we should just elope to a temple. Chas said no because he wanted presents. Those four months were full of lots and lots of trips to Blackfoot, and lots of those long, real talks. About what we were thinking, and what we were worried about, and what marriage meant, and our personal testimonies, and what we knew would be hard and what we were excited about. I remember one particular outing to Idaho Falls to hit WINCO for groceries where Chaston had a minor panic attack about getting married. Mckenna (my roommate and childhood best friend) was a saint. She got to listen to all of my more internal freak outs. Chas was studying for the MCAT this semester as well, it was a rough semester for him. He took the MCAT the weekend after we got married, the day before our reception in Blackfoot. I think it’s underrated how hard being engaged is, you think you’ve finally decided, but those are the last couple of months to make hard decisions before you’re sealed for time and all eternity.

Mckenna drove home from Rexburg with us to Vegas for the wedding. It felt perfect. Almost perfect.. I did drop my cell phone in the toilet the night before my wedding. There was a bridal shower for me the day after we got home at the Haycocks. Lots of ladies from my ward, my aunts, cousins, grandma’s, and bridesmaids all came. We had a family dinner with Chas’s family that had come down and all of mine. We had a Q&A that my parents prepared so the family’s could hear our story, during dessert. The little girl cousins insisted on doing their wedding eve pampering session that started with Ellie’s wedding. Wedding morning Echo did my makeup, I wore Ellie’s wedding dress, Chas, my mom and I met Val at the temple to be Chas’s escort. I loved being taken through the veil by Chas. Grandpa Jack sealed us, Chas said “YES” too early, and I was surprised by how precious it was to hug everyone in the sealing room. My reception was everything I could have wanted, thanks to my very skilled, adorable mother. Chaston chose our first dance song “For who I am” by Tyrone Wells, and I danced with my dad to “I loved her first”. Chaston adamantly refused to put cake in my face, he was morally opposed to being so cliché; he fed himself cake before I made him feed me some too. We were sent off with eco rice… it was stuck very thoroughly in my hair. We stayed at a hotel on the strip that night before heading to St. George to our little honeymoon VRBO. My parents drove up my car because it had some issues to St. George the second night we were there, and took us to ice cream. We rode around the St. George temple on a tandem bike we borrowed from Dixie University, and went to dinner with my grandparents after getting locked out of my car (it was my fault for once) while trying to go shopping. We went to an arcade, got a couples massage, and went to Tucano’s in Salt Lake City. Chas had to find a Library to print off something for his MCAT on our way to Salt Lake. On our way to Blackfoot we stopped in Ogden (Where Chas and I are currently living) at the Movie Grille and watched Pattington. We finished off our weekend with my parents helping us move into our new apartment, Heartland, in Rexburg, and having a low- key, really wonderful reception in Blackfoot (thanks to Valerie). Chas despite his questionable choice of date to take the MCAT, did really well, he got a 513 and is in the 90^th percentile. I’m convinced it was really due to his relaxing week with his new wife.