The term "cold- feet" is one I literally cringe when I hear. That phrase is for dumb people that rush into things before they are sure what they want. I am not one of those people, so I clearly can't have cold feet.
Lets talk about the American Culture and the term "cold- feet". After reading way too many articles about engagement anxiety I have come to see why it is such a problem
(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheryl-paul/engagement-anxiety-exposed_b_989191.html). We are brought up from the age of 5 feeling like we have a one and only, every Disney princess movie we watch facilitates this belief. From here society tells us that "being in love" means absolute constant joy, no doubt, a self-less partner that will d anything for us.. etc. At this point society has emphasized a concept of a perfect relationship and person, and down-played all the hard work, compromising, and forgiving real relationships take. We have the impression that if we aren't "perfectly, incandescently happy", we are not really in love, and should not get married.
The truth is that I am so nervous today, and this is no the first day I've felt scared crap-less at the idea of getting married and that is OK. It is no wonder.. I am making the biggest decision of my life. It will affect me, and my future babies ETERNALLY. He has these exact same doubts, which sucks, why can't he just be hopelessly in love with me forever (only I get to be rational)? However, it's a good thing, whether I like to hear it or not. I want him to have thought this through from every possible angle before he is eternally bound to me.
I am not scared of commitment, I love commitment. I'm not stressed about wedding planning, all will work out. I was sure I wanted to marry this man when he asked me three moths ago. I had spiritually felt the peace I was seeking, and had felt small promptings and feelings of peace along the way to assist me in deciding that my desire to marry him was not merely a result of cathexis. Not that I'm not totally in love and want to have his babies, I am and do, but I also love talking to him. I could do it for hours, he makes me laugh a ridiculous amount. He is goofy, and ambitious, and a thinker, and too smart for his own good. He is also lots of things that are really scary to me. He is independent, and focused, and opinionated. He is skeptical, and forgetful, and occasionally insensitive. He is very aware of his faults and is constantly looking at and thinking about ways to work on them. I love that. He will make the best dad ever, because he knows how to have fun, and has a testimony of the standards of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He will love it. He is someone who drags his feet into the next stage of life, whatever it is, because he learns to thoroughly love the stage he is in. I am one who can't get to the next stage fast enough, no matter how wonderful the current stage is.
1. Despite all these wonderful things about him, my confirmations and in-love-ness, I still doubt. I wonder if I am absolutely sure I received a confirmation at all, was it the confirmation I was told I would have in my blessing?
Then I stop and pray really hard and often a feeling of peace will come over me and I will remember that I should not doubt those confirmations I have already been given. I KNEW then. My Heavenly Father loves me.. He would not leave me alone to make a mistake about the identity of my children's father and my own soul. Then I remember he loves HIM. He would not let his own son walk into a relationship that will affect his very soul, without guidance.
In my concerns am I not trusting God, or my own capacity to interpret God's will?
2. I'm scared I will allow myself to be insecure in his love for me in our marriage, I'm scared HE will be insecure of his love for me in our marriage...
Then I remember that I don't get to control that. Love is vulnerable, and long-suffering, and my dad's voice pops into my head telling me sometimes we "just have to have faith and take some steps into the dark". I love him, I trust him and choose to trust he will love me.
3. I am worried I will be the same fault-filled human being I am now. I will allow myself to be overly sensitive, I will forget to put myself in his shoes, I will get grumpy and I will get insecure.
In all reality, I will, and he won't always like it, and he probably won't even always like me. I hope he can become a really proficient forgiver. Also, realistically, he will also not always do things that make me happy. He will sometimes be insensitive, he will be distracted, he will probably wake up super grumpy some-days, and I will just have to be a really boss forgiver too.
THOUGHTS from this weekend's Stake Conference (of course about Marraige #BYUI #Singlesward)
-Closer to God, closer to my husband
-Think of what would make him happy
-Put myself in his shoes
-I make me happy, he doesn't
*Basically SELFLESSness.
"I thought my mission experience could not be taught --> but my experiences as a husband and father (WIFE & MOTHER) make my mission pale in comparison"
SPOUSE: See him as HF does "an imperfect, PERFECTLY loved Spirit, who is going through their own refiners fire"
LOVE= Extending yourself for another person's spiritual growth
"The joy comes in the journey"
BECOME who you want to be married to
"Any man or woman's most important work is within the walls of their own home"
