Summer has Begun

I am so lucky! I am spending these five days with my best friends from growing up. We are all moving away from the great Las Vegas .. Cars just moved up to Provo to go to UVU in the fall and Q is packing to fly to BYU Hawaii in just 19 days) and I am down in the Burg (just so we can cover all the major bases for BYU schools). They are some of the coolest people I know. It is crazy to think that Heavenly Father loves me enough that he sent me to earth with these crazy cool ladies right next to me. Cars always says that we had to have begged him to send our parents to Las Vegas so we could know each other on earth too.
Me and Quinny are currently taking a nap (while I'm not actually sleeping.. clearly) while Cars is having a meeting with her new Bishop to get her mission papers started (woot woot! Sister Carly Campbell here she comes!!!;) and Quinny took me I should go read a blog from Ally Fox the tattooed Mormon blogger.. I LOVE what she said.. I so identify. She said she started by saying she had a confession that I can say is every big as applicable to me today; "I am weak. I am far from strong.  I struggle. But I am oh so happy. A real happiness." This REAL happiness involves feeling so edified, and loved when I don't deserve it, and learning and growing and that last part includes some messing up, and sucking, and realizing it and "trying just a little harder to be a little better". I think about my life right now and feel so incredibly grateful . Lately I can't stop feeling this way.. I keep realizing over and over again how blessed I've been to have all that my life includes. Even my most difficult trials are so trivial compared to so many strong, good people on this world.
Today there are so many happy things I have to be grateful about and I just can't sleep until I talk about a couple of them.
First, these girls are absolutely crazy amazing. They are good. In the most sincere sense of the word. They make me so much better just by being around me and not only that but they make me want to love myself because they love me! They remind me of those good things about me and make me want to always be the person they so graciously and insistently tell me that I am. They are strong, they are girls that I know will always be powerful enough to not only carry themselves but lift so many other people around them incidentally.
Second, I do love plainness. BOLD and simple words are wonderful. Political correctness comes second to truth. We need to be 100% disciples and it is ok to simply say that. Today our high counsel man said that "60% or C (if we got a grade for our study of scriptures) members probably aren't going to attain the highest degree of celestial glory. Bang. Loved that .. Not that that's doctrine but it's true. In this gospel we are asked to give ALL. We should be 100% in all that we do.. We are disciples and to be so truly much LIVE this gospel. We wont "give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. I must got till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me (fellowship of the unashamed)". That means living our lives according to Christ's gospel with him as our captain and a willingness to work and to serve. It doesn't mean perfection... It means work and grace and leaning on the atonement and enduring.
Third, today relief society was awesome. I LOVE lessons that end up in discussions. Where I feel edified in a way that is directly tied to a group of people "meeting together oft.. To speak with one another concerning the welfare of their souls (Mor6:5)". We talked about the importance of standing up and being sure that we side with our savior in his exhortation to "pluck it out" when you're eye offenders you (metaphorically of course). Our god isn't an easy god.
We are to be "as wise as a snake but as gentle as a dove" in how we react to situations in which our standards our challenged. And just as surely as we stand up for our beliefs we remember that this gospel is about LOVE- when it is not represented that way it is the fault of the members not a lapse in the consistency or correctness of the restored gospel. We are not perfect people.. But "that's all God had ever had to work with". In our reactions we should she be LISTENING before we speak and LOVING before we teach .. We need to really seek to understand why people think and act the way they do. We need to lend the benefit of the doubt in our judgements of them and remember that we don't always know what their life has been like, what they have been taught or the opportunities they've had. Perspectives are so vastly different and we are all on different levels of individual progression. Ohh .. And there were some seriously bomb chocolate raspberry tarts made that make RS just that much better.
Fourth, there are people in Rexburg Idaho that make me really sad to leave (she won't be back to school till January). My best friend at school was truly a mercy straight from my Heavenly Father. This year of school was 100 times happier because I had amber with me. And even though I'll pick up Chas in 4 weeks from the airport to come visit me at home he is still the one reason I'm not completely happy to leave school for summer break.. He is my favorite.. Everything we do is more fun because  with him!
Next, there are some seriously awesome people in this world. This weekend has been a blast! We have made friends with complete strangers and become best friends by the end of the day a good three times now. We have had the coolest conversations with people we just barely! I need to be more willing to talk to everyone and make friends all the people I meet. We met some fun people who made made playing murder for hours fun, and then met some guys who we went swimming with and then ended up running into some cool people who had us come boating with us! Wake boarding, surfing, and a ton of Doritos . We all at least got up wake boarding and surfing and are feeling the serous lactic acid pain this morning. I rode on my first train I can remember and went to a train covert (kinda punny.. Huh) ate some pizza and pulled an all nighter with good, fun people constantly since being here.
And almost lastly I am having soo much fun and yet my parents are so awesome that I am SOO excited to get all the way home to Las Vegas to see them. SO EXCITED.

Pretty Boy

Like two months ago me and Amber were talking about something embarrassing when I noticed this boy walking behind us and turned to Amber to whisper that “I really hope the pretty boy behind us isn’t listening to this conversation…(it involved how we couldn’t get married because we’ll never find guys enough like each other to be our best friends)”. I was convinced he had heard the whole thing when he stopped to yell “cool pants! (why’re you looking at my butt..?.. jk. I didn’t ask that)” to me on his way into the library. Later I’d jokingly told Amber that I hoped pretty boy was in the MC building when we went to eat, and then that he would be one of the roommates of some guys we doubled with. A couple of days later pretty boy ran up to say “you’re cool pants girl!” (super smooth huh..:) and get my number after a multi-stake conference. The same day he texted me and asked if I’d want to go hang out with him that night. I was really down until I ended up having a talk with another guy I’d been dating and was trying to nicely DTR to a friend zone. This guys had called me and asked if he could just talk to me that night, one more time. I texted pretty boy to tell him I didn’t think I’d be able to hang out today and impressively enough.. he called me to tell me he’d been “looking forward to hanging out with me all day and I wouldn’t be disappointed if I came and if I could please make some time for him even if it was for just a little bit”.  Half the reason I said OK was just because I was impressed by the effort… and he was right, I wasn’t in the least bit disappointed I came. He picked me up from my apartment armed with two carts of ice cream, spoons, a ton of blankets and a massive marshmallow jacket I ended up wearing (so attractive) the rest of the night (and happened to spill ice cream down the front of… which he likes to tell everyone about). And now I'd have to say those "cool pants".. That he later said look like a grandma couch.. Are my favorite pants EVER.

            I think it’s crazy how we go from not knowing someone even a little to feeling like you’ve known them forever. It just feels right to be with them, and comfortable and like home.  He’s become the person I want to tell whenever something good or bad or funny happens, and who when I want to do something- I want to do it with, and who makes my day infinitely better by being in it, soo fast. It’s funny thinking about the first few dates we went on, because everything you learn about a person just makes them so much better and more real and a hundred times more awesome. You learn something different from every person who becomes a part of your life; if you aren’t growing, just by knowing them, it’s not worth it.  Like when I’m with him I feel comfortable saying what I’m really thinking, and he reminds me that its important. There’s a couple things about Chas (I’m gonna stop calling him pretty boy now..) that I don’t wanna forget I think about him; 1. He’s does this (usually I call it bi-polar) thing where he decides what he wants to do and then we go to do it and suddenly decides he was wrong and he wants to do something completely different. But I kinda like it. Because when we go to do something I know he likes it or else we would have already stopped haha. 2. He is really really NICE (even though that’s not the first word that pops into my head if I was going to describe him)- and he makes an effort to be sincere. 3. He says what he’s thinking 4. He had me stop to say a prayer before we went on our last road trip 5. He talks about how he wants to better at some things (and probably doesn’t realize that that already makes him better) 6. He really does come up with awesome dates 7. He opens my door even when I’m driving 8. He comes to kiss me goodnight when we’re at his family’s or mine 9. He's happy to be with my family, even when my uncle is sitting between us 10. He went back to try and find my show when I flipped my kayak and a tree fell on top of me 11. He's expressive; talks about the things that’re important to him 12. He does cute things; wrote me a poem once that was hilarious and sung to me in Portuguese (not that I knew what he was saying) 13. He notices things about who I am that make me want to be better 14. He laughs a lot. 15. He loves his dad  16. He's laid- back; he doesn't get mad (i think he still even likes me) when I splatter BBQ sauce all over him, or spill ice cream all over his jacket, or push him in a lake 17. He acts like he cares about the things I care about. 18. He is smart; he thinks about interesting, cool things 19. He is fun.. Even when it means telling me his last name is Stallionman, or telling me theirs a skunk crawling on my foot not a cat, or throwing me over his shoulder in th middle of campus or tackling me on the side walk while we're chalking the ground 20. He always has wet wipes I his car

I’m glad I get to know him. He's my favorite.

Ps. He told me once he wanted to be the best boyfriend ever and he is.. For the record 

Tonight i'm Productively Frustrated

When I'm just irrationally frustrated theres a whole list of things i do:

Good for my soul/ Productive List:
1. Go get a Diet Coke (drive.. which is happy)
2. Listen to music
3. Read the sciptures- work on my insights for Institute
4. Put on shorts and a tank top and pretend I'm home
5. Drink some herbal tea
6. Work out
7. Face time my mom
8. Call someone who loves me
9. Pray about it
10. Blog.. like this (I'm a little frustrated)
11. Make Amber do relaxation yoga with me


Not so great/ a little pathetic list:
1. Eat.. alot.. cookie butter.. cookies.. brownies.. pickle chips.. 
2. Face time my mom and just complain the whole time
3. Be mad at my boyfriend for no reason 
4. Be unproductive and depressed
5. Not work out..  
6. Crawl back into my bed and pretend life is not happening
7. Not pray about it.. just kinda pretend to think about praying about it


 
Part of my excuse for not writing anything for the last month is that I am very very done. I would like to fast forward to the end of this semester and end of Biology 230 and statistics and my night shift job andd in being just a little confused. Which is pretty dumb because life is pretty beautiful and i have a lot to be really happy about. I tend to not write things down when i'm not very sure about them, which is also dumb because writing creates clarity that just thinking about in circles really can't. 

CIRCLES:

Lately one of my issues in my head is I've been feeling like I need a clear direct answer to if i'm doing what i'm supposed to in my life and it's just not coming. 
Last night (and a bunch of other nights) I realized some cool things! while on the phone with Ms. Carly Campbell who always seems to pull out the self- reflection out of me:

1. I need to get over myself in some respects and stop worrying and have confidence in my standing before God as his daughter, whose really doing some pretty good things and trying

-Theres a time to learn to humble myself (and its an ongoing process I'm much in need of) but the other end is a need to then obey the savior's command to "stand" and work in the confidence of knowing WHOSE you are

2. I am absolutely worthy of my God's counsel and am cheating myself out of it when i don't remember that in every aspect of my life

Today at devotional Sister Willis reminded everyone of some really cool things about why sometimes my Heavenly Father (who i know loves me) doesn't answer me:

1. He's not going to speak if I'm not really ready to hear AND understand his answers.. or he is speaking and i just have a super thick head (both plausible)

2. His silence is sometimes indicating his confidence in our own choices and judgement. He is sometimes creating an opportunity for us to learn to lean on our own intuition 

(like the brother of Jared- he asks us to figure it out sometimes and then look to him for his grace to make up the difference) 

* because (according to just me) part of being on earth is learning to be self-reliant so we're more serviceable in heaven- if we're going to be stewards over our own worlds with our own spirit children we better have confidence in ourselves and in our own decision making.. he is preparing me NOW in this little respect for later




The other things I've been meaning to write but haven't (because I've been resorting to my pathetic list of things to do when I'm frustrated):



I did a statistics project on how i felt emotionally every day after writing down (or not writing down) a list of things i was grateful for/ ways i saw gods hand, throughout the day! I was pretty terrible at actually doing it correctly, and never wrote down an accurate rating for my emotions but the days i did write down my list are really cool to look back on:

Some of the Tender Mercies I noticed for the seven weeks i did this-

-I  prayed for a friends clarity and he got it almost immediately

-Bitsy made me tea

-I read Hel chapter 5 in the Book of Mormon and had the coolest "being beared up" feeling when I really needed it 

-A friend went and got my favorite book and read it to me in a bunch of different accents and it was hilarious 

-Had a sec just with me today and remembered why we need quiet moments

-Sabrina told us her story growing up 

-I was facetiming with my family and got to have Family Prayer

-My Co-workers stopped working for a sec today and just talked about nothing and it made my day

-My friend Des from my Social Work class helped me get a tutor for statistics

-Savannah got engaged and told me and Amber all about it

-Had apartment prayer today and it made my day/ life

-My roommates all made dinner together today and heart attacked another apartment 

 -The temple was soo peaceful today

-The adorable little temple worker who says "where are you from?... They sure do make 'em pretty there!"

-It was raining and someone stopped and gave us a ride home from the grocery store 

-Chris stopped me on my way to work when i felt super ugly to tell me that when he'd seen me walking he'd thought "I'm glad I walked this way, look at that pretty girl walking towards me!" And then realized it was me

-I donated plasma and it went really fast today!

-Had frozen Yogurt with my roomie Angie and she talked about understanding why others looked at her disability - so cool

-Went and got a soda with my mom today

-Realization that rehabillitation is part of God's plan it is human and merciful 

-I had Family Prayer with my family today

 -My 12 year old Josh is comfy and so big now and i got to sleep on him all the way home from
Zions

-Got lost and laughed to death on the way home from Salt Lake

 -Went on a date with Chaston and we sat in the car and talked for hours

-I lost my phone and someone noticed and told my professor who emailed me to let me know

-Cassy had cookie butter and let me eat it 

-He texted me to say "Hey Em, just thinking about you :) "  :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

-Cars called and reminded me that things are worth it only when your growing from them- best conversation ever

-I had a diet coke today

-Something super embarrassing happened and i had a feminine emergency and did NOT bleed through 

-I finished my Study Guide in my Enviro Class just before the due date

-Quinny texted me to tell me she loves me right when i needed it

-Amber made me laugh so hard today at the gym

-Got a letter from Jack in the MTC today.. all spelled wrong and perfectly! He loves it. 

-Chas's little cousin Marlee likes me

-Chas came upstairs to say goodnight to me 

-Realized I need to vocalize my gratitude more often



^Heavenly Father is in the details of my life ^ and i forget way to often