I am in love! Something else clicked, if that is even possible. I thought I was in love before, but my in love has taken on a whole new meaning I can't quite fathom. I feel so good. I feel excited to see him constantly, but also have complete confidence that he loves me. I talk about him and tear up, and when I pray for and about him the only worlds that come to my head are "my future husband". I feel almost like I've somehow cheated the system and he's already mine, and then I realize he's not at all and there is so much more awesome one-ness to come. We talk about getting married, and it just feels so solid and real and at the same time like some kind of fairy tale I'm not altogether sure can be reality. When he asked my dad, the excitement I had always imagined was different. I wasn't screaming or jumping up and down, I just felt so incredibly happy. I can't imagine anything else. Chas told me my dad had told him that "she's not grown up yet, so you have to take care of her", and I feel total comfort that he will. And I can't imagine being more happy to take care of anyone else in the entire world. When my grandpa puts his arms around both of us and says "take care of each other", I see him saying that same line forever. I read my patriarchal blessing and where it talks about that "good man", I feel assured that he is exactly that. I know he is someone that will fight along with me for our family, and for us. My blessing uses the word "tenderly" in describing how he will care for me and our children, and he becomes more of that man, more every day. He is silly, and real, and smart, and positive, and strong, and expressive, and he knows what he wants. And I know he is exactly what I want. I can't imagine anything more fun than going to the gym with him every day and then coming home and making dinner. I have never felt more loved in my whole life. When I see him, he immediately lights up and hugs me like he's been waiting to see me all day, and I secretly hope he has. He just exudes that he loves me in a way I couldn't imagine anyone ever doing. Not because I feel unlovable, but because I'm pretty sure no one in the entire word lights up the way he does when he is happy. The other day he told me he likes to think about me being his "companion in everything" and that title has stuck in my head ever since. I want him to be my companion in EVERYTHING! I have chosen to be with him every single step of the way, and Heavenly Father has helped me do that in ways I would never have seen coming. I have a little sticky note written in my notebook that says "how much you want him is an answer in itself 9/30", and every time I'm with him I feel like I find something else that makes him feel more mine. I know being with someone forever will not be easy, because life is not easy, but there is no one else in the world I want to do life sitting next to.
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