I wish in this world we did a better job of loving boys and
men. Why is it that in every movie and TV show the dad is the dumb, clueless
one and the mom is super woman who keeps it all together. YES! Our moms our
super women and that is how they serve and show their love and care for us. BUT
the men in my life are not dumb or clueless or insensitive or boorish, which is
how our world makes them out to be far too often. They are good, they are
obedient and men of Christ who are part of his “Royal Army”, who are smart,
hard- working, TENDER, loving and thoughtful. I was looking for a really cool quote to put
on my 12 year old sister and my 13 year old brothers walls that would just
express how awesome they are. Remind them that they have so much as a growing
young woman and young man to be proud of. I found one of my favorite conference
talks ever, by Elder Holland, and an awesome quote that I absolutely loved for
my little sister:
“First of all, I want you to be proud you are a woman. I
want you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You
are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an
eternal destiny. 1 That surpassing truth should be fixed
deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow
into mature womanhood. There could never be a greater authentication of your
dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your promise. Your Father in Heaven
knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows
your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations… in the restored
light of the gospel of Jesus Christ, a woman, including a young woman, occupies
a majesty all her own in the divine design of the Creator. You are, as Elder
James E. Talmage once phrased it, “a sanctified investiture which none shall
dare profane.”
I LOVE how he talks of womanhood. It is just another testament
to me that this man and every other man that speaks so beautifully of women is
thinking directly of his wife and daughter and mother and sister and loving who
they are and knowing what they need and how they need to be talked to. It took
me so so long to find a quote that described manhood in such a beautiful light.
There are a lot of reasons why I think this is; first, men don’t want to think
about themselves as sensitive or in need of praise and love the same way women
are often willing to accept that they are. Secondly, men and women are wired completely
differently and as far as how we talk to men and women there is a slight
difference. I have seen that when a woman knows her worth and her value she in
turn lifts her whole family and everyone she touches. I think this is true of
everybody, men included, but not as easily remembered with men. If I was
speaking to Josh I would say “I want you to be proud you are a man. Look at
your father, look at your brother and your grandfather. They are the strongest
of people and they are men that are tender. They are the most devoted people
and the most loving and service oriented people in the world. You are needed,
you have an innate divine heritage as a man. You are innately strong, and
devoted, and obedient and a protector.”
Me and
my mom were having a conversation about then men we know really well. My mom
said as atypical as it sounds; “the men I know really well in my life are
better at showing their love than the women I know in my life”. Yes women are innately
nurturers and lovers and care-ers; but there is something in men especially in
men who have learned how to love (And I definitely mean learned- as people when
we love somebody else enough that they become ours we are changed and a part of
us is developed- and this is when I have seen men this way- when they are
serving the people that have become theirs) that is innately caring, service
oriented, and expressive in their love. I think of my Dickson Grandparents.
Yes! Grandma loves us so much and hugs us and worries about us, but EXPRESSIVELY,
our grandpa is the one who stands at the door and holds us by the shoulders and
says “let me just get a good look at you” with all the love in the world in his
eyes. And he is who still calls to see how my very adult mother is when he
knows she’s on a road trip. Or tries to wake up my boyfriend to meet him and
instead just says “You take care of our Em!” before leaving town.
This is not to say that women are
not every bit as loving and devoted in a whole different way; this week I
watched my mom walk outside and stand in our drive way to wait for my dad
because she thought he should have been home from work by then. I listened to
my Grandma Delores call my mom three times this week to ask how I’m doing
because she was worried about me, and watched my cute grandma Janice be every
bit a mother when her 45 year old son called to ask if the gorge was open in St.
George and instead of saying she didn’t know, called the high- way patrol to
find out and then got back to him. But I am talking about men today! My dad is
who picks us up and carries us to bed, and made my lunch all through middle school
and even high school, and texts his kids every morning to say “goodmorning
sunshine! :)”,
and takes our cars to fill up all our tanks, and brings my mom a soda and
breakfast at her work, and is always willing to go with us or help us or go for
us. My 13 year old Josh is who gives me the best hugs, and tells me I’m pretty
and he loves me and writes “you are my happy” on my chalk board for me to find
when I get home from break. He writes the sweetest most heartfelt letters to
his mom and dad when he wants to say thank you. Jackson is so sweet to my mom.
He just loves the crap out of her all the time. I was thinking about Chaston; expressively
he is much better and being loving than I am. He is who sends me cute texts and
tells me why he loves me. He is who came running down angels landing to sit by
me after I had sat out a hike to see if I was Okay, and then who insistently took
of my sweaty gross shoes to rub my feet on our way home. Basically what I’ve
decided is that men and women express their love very differently and we don’t
give enough credit to men as a whole for being Loving and tender, and
thoughtful and devoted. Maybe it’s that “tender” just isn’t something we have stereotypically
allowed our men to be- but good men really are.
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