There is an irony in life that
never quite gets past me. I frequently think things like “life is so weird”. And
it is. This part of life for me, being 18, is so very temporary.. I don’t like
that. Elder Uchtdorf says that the reason we resist the endings in this life is
“Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings…” At this
point is sucks that we have to date and form awesome relationships where we get
to love awesome people and then watch them end, but that is part of growing up
I guess, so it’s OK. One thing about some endings is that I am incredibly
consoled by the truth that I am at least a little better and think bigger than
I would have had you not met that person. Chas came and visited me two weeks
ago and it was really one of the best weeks ever, I loved it. We had so much
fun! My family adores him and I had missed the crap out of him. And he is even
more solidly my best friend if that’s possible.. but he is now, no longer my
boyfriend. Which in some ways really sucks, because I absolutely love him and
he is so great. I was praying about him and me and felt strongly that we weren’t
supposed to be together forever and realized that meant I probably shouldn’t be
with him now. That kind of sounds crazy, but it is a cool kind of Godly
inspired crazy, that I am really grateful for. I’ve joked since forever that “you
don’t really know a guy unless you break up with him” (I’m always kind of kidding.. swear.. sorry.) and have found that
Chas is every bit as awesome as I’ve always thought he was, and possibly more
so after listening to him be sad with me and then trust me and look for his own
answers and be totally OK, because that’s just how he is.
I feel like I’ve chanted this in
every prayer I’ve said and thought since then, but I KNOW that my God is also my
Heavenly Father who loves me (and Chaston too) and he has a plan for me that I
can’t even pretend to see. I believe in Modern Revelation from God and that he not
only cares about my little girl problems and my life (which means a whole lot
to me and my eternal existence, even if it is so small in the grand scheme of
eternity) but he also answers prayers and gives guidance about the very DETAILS
of my life. And he does the same for any person that trusts him and is willing
to ask. I was reading this cute blog about a lady as she met her future husband and as she told a lady she worked with about the circumstances concerning her meeting her soon to be husband the lady said "it's a God thing." And I have come to find that it is so very very often "A God thing" because God has a specific plan for each of his children and he knows how to do his work! How very awesomely happy is that.
This also hasn’t been the loveliest
week of my life because not only did I cough through Chas’s entire visit… (he
was way too nice about it) but the day I took him to the airport I also went to
the Doc to confirm I had Pneumonia. But! The Doc also gave my four wonderful prescriptions
and a very cute inhaler and I now find myself much better. Ohh and I’ve found
that pneumonia is a way easier weight loss method than running. So as I sit
here.. eating no bake cookies, blogging and coughing a lot, I’ve been thinking
a lot about love (that’s what sappy 18 year olds who break up with their
boyfriends are supposed to do, right?).
I want to be with someone that is completely
sure about me (everyone does). That is when relationships become permanent. Permanence
is derived, in large part, from a surety that you receive and then hang onto
with both your hands and your whole heart and the rest of you. Which I’m sure
takes a lot of love and questioning and serving to come to. And awesomely
enough God will point you in the right direction and always tell you if you’re
on the right track when you ask which takes out some of that doubting. Part of
that surety though has to come from a person who has already decided what
commitment means to them. I had a friend who really felt like you didn’t love
someone until you were absolutely sure about them. That is an awesome
definition of love, and the kind marriages and commitments that last are made
of. With that kind of love, once you realize you have it, you have to realize
that that YES kind of answer means that you will love every part of them and
look past the bad that every person has to have at least part of. In Moroni8:26 it says that even the "perfect love" that the Holy Ghost fills us with "endureth by dilligence (unto prayer)" - it only makes sense that the love we have for our EC's required just as much dilligence as described here if we want it to be anywhere close to perfect. I liked this
quote “Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their
filthy heart… seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to
jump ship.” I think the good in people almost always trumps all the bad. Our
hearts aren’t filthy as far as Grace is concerned, and the darkness in us is
not permanent but it is what we work to overcome and diminish with the light we
grow. BUT when you know someone you get the privilege of seeing their good and
their short comings and once you reach THAT love.. the sure kind… it can only
be forever if you first understand this CHOICE to work and serve and love and
never jump ship. I am lucky enough to have watched my parents forever, and they
just work. They fit together and maybe they have since they met when they were
15 because they’ve been together basically ever since. I was talking to them
and they feel like they never had to think about this commitment the way I’ve
really poured over it. My mom said she never doubted that who she would marry
would be ALL in and she always knew she would be and never had to worry about
it. I can’t wait till I meet whoever is just as sure that they are ALL IN as I am.
It probably won’t for a while but I KNOW that eventually it will happen and I
am perfectly content with that.
No comments:
Post a Comment